Merry Christmas!

 

Hi, I’m Dave.

Yup. I’m still alive. Playing Black Ops, but alive. Here’s a random story I wrote for school.

Chandler woke up to the sound of nothing. His brain already knew when to wake up: 5 O’clock.  He could smell blueberry pancakes. Chandler hated blueberry pancakes. But he didn’t want to offend his sister, who was making the pancakes. So he didn’t say anything. As Chandler dragged himself downstairs, he noticed a boy he’d never seen before sitting in his seat.

“Nice Underpants.” Chandler’s sister said.

Yes. Chandler was only in his underpants. Inside, Chandler was extremely embarrassed. But outside, he showed no emotion whatsoever as he sat on the random boy’s lap.

“I’m guessing this is your seat.” The boy said sarcastically as he slipped away and sat in a different chair.

Chandler didn’t respond. An awkward silence filled the room.

“Hi, I’m Dave.” The boy said, to break the ice.

Chandler didn’t respond. The Nunchuck family wasn’t known for being unresponsive. In fact, pretty much all the people that have ‘Nunchuck’ at the end of their name are super enthusiastic; except for Chandler. He was the odd one out.

Dave just sighed and continued eating his pancakes.

“Chandler” Chandler’s sister started, “Dave and his family just moved into the house down the street; I was hoping you and he could ‘hang out, yo.’”

Chandler simply trudged upstairs, dressed up, got his stuff for school, and left.

“Well dang you, Chandler!” his sister yelled at the door.

“Sorry about that Dave… do you want me to drive you to school?”

“No, it’s okay Felicia. I already have a ride.”

Dave pointed to his segway in the foyer. Then he smiled to Felicia, grabbed his backpack, and zipped out the door on his segway.

Felicia tried to think of at least one normal, well-rounded kid. She blanked out completely.

Dave zipped past Chandler on his walk to school. He looked back to see Chandler staring at the ground, kicking a rock around. Dave sighed for the second time.

Eventually, Chandler looked up, wide-eyed. Before Dave could wonder why, he and his segway flipped forwards into a garbage can. Dave sighed.

“Look where you’re going,” Chandler said blankly as he walked past Dave.

And yet again, Dave sighed.

Chandler walked into the doors of Ignorechandler School with no recognition at all. A teacher bumped shoulder to shoulder with Chandler, knocking him down. Kids simply walked around Chandler, like he was a rock blocking the flow of a river. Chandler tried to pull himself up, but just as he did, he got knocked down again by the flow of kids. Chandler was invisible. And not because he was using the Ghost perk from Call of Duty: Black Ops.

Chandler always wanted to try and talk to someone, make a couple friends here and there, like every other kid. But he was too afraid they would reject him right away, or that he would mess up and say something like, “I had Froot Loops this morning. Did you, Cheryl?”

“My name’s Philip.” The kid would answer.

Chandler wanted to find someone as shy as him so it would be easier to talk to them without being blocked out. But finding out if someone’s shy is kind of hard if you can’t even talk to anyone without being a total doof. So, instead of making new friends, Chandler crawled his way out of the crowd and sat in a corner, depressed. He was on the brink of giving up all hope of becoming happy, until he heard the name; Chuck Norris.

A totally awesome kid named Miguel Taco was talking about how Chuck Norris could run around the world so fast, he could punch himself in the back of the head. Then, his friend T.J. Houshmandzadeh added another amazing fact.

“Chuck Norris doesn’t have to fix his hair. His hair fixes itself out of pure fear!”

Chandler thought about how amazing it would be to be Chuck Norris himself, instead of his lowly, frightened, hair. So, as soon as Chandler got home, he started researching his new found hero, Chuck Norris. (Yes, I did just end another paragraph with “Chuck Norris”)

The information Chandler collected about Chuck Norris was amazing:

• Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
• Chuck Norris never fails. In fact, he eats failure for breakfast!
• Chuck Norris doesn’t fart. Nothing escapes Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
• Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
• Chuck Norris once put out a forest fire using only gasoline.
• Chuck Norris watches PiTV.

Some of the facts Chandler found were totally unrealistic. Like, “Chuck Norris can eat a lollipop without biting into it.” But Chandler could tell the difference between fact and fiction, kind of.

When Chandler walked into school the next day, he was prepared for anything. He had his sister drive around town to get him a cereal called “Failure,” steel toe boots for butt-kicking,  and a fake, scruffy, red, beard; just like Chuck Norris’. For lunch, Chandler packed a juice box labeled, “Dark Matter” and a sandwich labeled, “Kryptonite Sandwich.” Chandler felt more confident than ever.

During lunch break, Chandler concluded he would do a bunch of Chuck-Norris-like deeds, starting with a mediocre task transitioning to an awesome feat. Chandler preformed his first deed in Math class, when his teacher, Mr. Rossi, handed him a Math sheet. The sheet unfortunately, didn’t stay outside of Chandler’s body for long.

“Why is he eating the sheet?” about seven kids in Chandler’s class asked simultaneously. Mr. Rossi cocked his head backwards to see Chandler munching on his sheet.

“Chandler,” Mr. Rossi started, “You’re going to have to photocopy me some extra sheets… that was my last one,” Mr. Rossi had a weird expression on his face.

“Okay sir.” Chandler couldn’t hold back his giggles.

Mr. Rossi just shook his head and continued talking about Pi.

Chandler chuckled as he headed to his next class, Home Economics. Today, they were learning about how to turn on a washing machine over the course of three periods. After a while, Chandler got bored.

“This class needs more—pazazz.” Chandler said as he watched his teacher, Mrs. Linkin push the “On” button over and over again.

So, to give Home Ec more “pazazz,” Chandler ripped off his shirt and started flexing his piddly muscles on top of a table. The kids in his class either laughed or were grossed out. Most of them were grossed out. Danny Woodhead, the shortest kid in the class, barfed. Ray Lewis, the biggest kid in the class, turned green and fainted. And of course Mrs. Linkin thought Chandler “transgressed”, so she sent him to the office. Just the reaction Chandler was looking for. No one knew why, but Chandler Nunchuck was showing emotion, maybe a little too much.

Chandler left the office at the end of the period thinking he hadn’t done enough yet. He was bored of all these “boring” deeds. He tried to think of the most awesome, kickbutt task he could conjure. He thought about it all day, but it hit him when he saw Ronald McDonald, the school’s meanest bully, slam Danny Woodhead into a locker. The most awesome, kickbutt task he could conjure was to roundhouse kick Ronald Mcdonald.

Too risky… Chandler thought. But Chuck Norris never fails… he remembered.

So, after school, Chandler snuck behind Ronald and roundhouse kicked him smack in the buttocks as hard as he could with his steel toe boots. Ronald screamed in pain. Everone looked at Chandler and gasped. Ronald fell to the floor.

“Get him!” Ronald screamed with tears in his eyes.

And within two seconds, all the bullies in the school started chasing Chandler, grinding their teeth and pounding their fists.

Chandler knew they would catch up to him eventually; he couldn’t even outrun his neighbor’s two-legged dog! So, Chandler turned around and faced the bullies.

Before he blacked out, Chandler heard someone sigh. It was Dave.

When Chandler woke up, a light shone right in his face, Every object around him was white, gleaming with cleanliness. Even though he was in a bed, Chandler was not comfortable in the slightest. A bulky, white cast was wrapped around his left leg and his right arm was in a sling. Chandler turned his head left to see Ronald with a cast bigger than Chandler’s torso wrapped around his midsection—with extra gauze wrapped around his buttocks. Chandler freaked out and groaned.

“He woke up.” The voice of Dave filled the air.

Familiar faces peered over Chandler’s head; Felicia, Dave, and an assortment of bullies from Chandler’s school.

“Are we suspended?” Chandler asked.

“Nah” Dave answered, “No one wanted to get into trouble, so we just told the principle you and Ronald were in a dog pile. We said you learned your lesson.”

“And he bought it?”

“Yup,” Dave laughed.

“Is Ronald okay with that?’

“Well, I don’t know…”

Ronald spoke, “Yeah, its fine ya runts.”

“Gee, thanks Ronald!” Dave said happily.

“I needed to be brought back to earth; I’ve caused people to be in bigger casts than this before.” He pointed to his butt cast.

Dave and Chandler exchanged looks.

“Well then… thanks Dave!”Chandler said gratefully.

“No problem,” Dave acknowledged, “That’s what friends are for, right?”

Chandler smiled. He didn’t need to be Chuck Norris to have friends. He just had to be less ignorant and more openhearted.

Chandler sat up to see the snack the hospital provided; blueberry pancakes. Chandler and Dave laughed, not caring if the bullies around them thought they were total doofs. Felicia sighed with a smile.

Under the Radar Awesomeness. #1

There’s a lot of awesome under the radar stuff throughout the Internet.

Let’s start off with some awesome YouTubers.

For the always hilarious game reviews, (about games new and old) check out InecomeCompany. His videos have some swears in them, but usually it’s a-okay. Check out a video he did about FANTASTIC VOYAGE.

And for daily videos that are always funny and awesome quality, check out WheezyWaiter. Here’s a Halloween type episode from yesterday.

And for the people who hate videos… first of all, you stink, and second… here’s an awesome under the radar game on Facebook called Backyard Monsters.

Don’t let the name deceive you. This is a game of strategy, cunning, and making truces with people who can pwn your base. This game is about making monsters, attacking enemies, and building up you base. Check out this video of someone getting attacked by wild monsters.

Check back more posts and under the radar awesomeness!!!

7 Natural Wonders of The World

Here’s a video I edited and made for a Social Studies assignment. It got squished in the YouTube upload. And the Chomolungma part is weird.

Awesome YouTube Videos.

Here are some videos from some of my favorite YouTubers.

These videos are only from a fraction of YouTubers that I subscribe to. More videos coming soon!

THE MOST HORRIBLEY WRITTEN STORY EVEH.

Last year I had to write an epic story for ELA. I failed. And that is why I’m posting it on the Internet.

Idiot String.

Mr. D.

Here’s a Mii version of Mr. D I created on my Wii. Notice how his eyes follow you everywhere.

Mr. D is no ordinary teacher… he headlocks his students and gives a horrible evil eye. His class mascot is Yoda and he owns the nickname “Bald Eagle.” He makes funny videos and wears things so unfit for a teacher to wear you’ll laugh at and Elisa and Zaina laughing at Mr. D laughing at them laughing at him.

At the start of the year the ratio of normal kids not weird kids was like 20 to 5.

And at the end of the year the ratio was pretty much 1.5 to 26. (We had two new students join the class. And Yoda was the .5)

An “average” day in Mr. D’s class is basically 4 hours of learning with the occasional outburst of random laughter and unrelated conversation. For example, we could be talking about Fractions… and then someone would ask a question:

“I have two things.”

“What?”

“WE STILL HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT OUR SPRING BREAK YET!”

And sometimes stuff like that leads to talking about 2 mile long shorts. That’s just how things work in Mr. D’s class.

One time, 20 minutes of the day were eating up by Mr. D randomly laughing at Bryden. Half of us were mumbling in our minds, “Please kill me.” And the other half were laughing for no reason at all, wondering what was happening.

Over the year, our class had many phases, the “Crazed Drawing on the Board” phase, the “Scissors” phase, the “I Totally Hate Justin Bieber” Phase, the “Throw random things around and lunch” Phase, and some of the other “phases” are so weird, I have no idea how to put them in words.

So, in a nutshell… Mr. D’s class is better than your class. Except if Chuck Norris is in your class. Or Mr. T.

-by Miguel

Maurice Saunders.

This picture is horribly drawn by me on Photoshop. It’s Maurice after Justin finished drawing on him.

Maurice Saunders. Why name him Maurice?

First, we have to start with the original owner; a girl named Jessica. I have no idea what she originally named it, but I do know that it was a girl egg and that once it had a crack on it, she gave to to Justin who immediately changed it to a boy. He didn’t care if it had a crack on it, he just put some masking tape over the crack. Now he had two eggs for the “Egg Project!”

While Justin was making a “wonderful home” for his nameless egg,  (it was basically a plank of wood.) I found an egg carton in Mr.D’s (my old teacher. He does look pretty old. ) supplies meant to be delivered to a “Maurice Saunders.” (Hey… that must mean Mr. D got the carton from Maurice, meaning he knows the real MAURICE SANDERS.)

Anyways, I gave the carton to Justin and suggested he name the egg “Maurice Saunders.” (Of course later on Kevin said he was the one to name it) Justin accepted my idea and put his “comfy” wood bed inside the carton and called it the Maurice Saunders Hotel. For the next few days, Justin kept Maurice in his bed, but eventually Maurice got broken so Just had to wrap more masking tape around his egg’s wounded body to give him a full body cast. Soon, Maurice grew too freaking chubby for his bed and we had to start putting him into the notches in the egg carton. But of course, Maurice started smelling weird, and Justin had to wrap him up even more. After a while, I started secretly wrapping over Maurice and re-drawing the face Justin originally drew on Maurice. Justin noticed, and he got more mad each time. So of course I kept drawing on the egg and wrapping it with masking tape.

Eventually, Maurice got too big for the egg carton, and this was already about a week after the actual egg project was over, so me and Justin decided to hid Maurice under a bouncy motorcycle until the school year was over. But one day in November, this crazy kid with a lisp named Kaelin (just kidding, Kaelin.) found out we were harboring this legendary egg. So we had to move Maurice to a super secret spot. But for some reason, someone stole Maurice, who let me remind you, is a rotten egg. Later that year, in May to be exact, we were playing some “Find the Rubber Chickens” game… and believe it or not, Rubber Chickens weren’t the only things we found in the field! Yup, we found Maurice behind an electrical box, but all that was left of him was a soggy lump. (Some people are still wondering if the egg was actually John, Nate’s egg.) Anyway, we renewed Maurice by wrapping him in lots more masking tape and redrawing his face on. After a moth of throwing around this now rock solid egg, I decided to pull a prank on Justin. When he was away, Julia let me borrow her busted sandbag smiley face thing; Mr. Skissy. (Is that how you spell it?) I wrapped Mr. Skissy in lots and lots of masking tape and drew Maurice’s face on it. I hid Maurice behing a bookshelf and Justin never figured out the difference until we told him.

And that’s all I have on Maurice… execpt for the fact that after the joke was over and I unwrapped Mr. Skissy to show Justin what I was saying was true, Maurice disappeared. Again. I suspect Justin, but even he looked shocked.

So if you see a random lump of soggy masking tape with mysterious black liquid oozing out… you know who to call.

The Trip Back.

Our trip included a visit to Boracay Beach, Philippines. Awesmazing, Eh? (And I’m not just saying that ‘cuz I’m Canadian.) MAPLE SYRUP!!!!!!! (And BTW this pic was taken by my dad.)

Okay… I just came from vacation in the Philippines and Australia, and we used points to fly there and back. So we had to go to multiple connects to actually get back home. The flight there wasn’t too bad, it was the flight back that was the killer. First, me and my family had to endure the 13 hour flight to the San Fransisco, and then we had to make more connections to get back to final destination in Canada. And guess what the ‘Frisco customs took so long, we missed our next flight! So we had to wait 9 hours until the next one. And also, the guy sitting behind us smelled like pee.

But now that I’m back in Canada, I realize how lucky I am to be living here. Water from the tap you can drink, and the fear of getting kidnapped when you’re checking the mail is gone too. For me, Canada is the best county ever, ignore the rumors about our main export being maple syrup and beaver dung… we’re normal humans too, (Most of us, anyway) and we’re good at lacrosse!!! OH YEAH!!!

Miguel,